After 6 days of constant battle with sickness, today our calf lost his life. He died a painful death at our house. Like always, My mother was the only one to wake me up with bad news. I went to him. He was lying with his moist eyes open and toungue out. My mother told me how he floundered out of pain. I touched him but he did not turn his head to me like he used to do. His mother was still eating. May be she was unaware of this harsh truth. My father, brother and I, put his body on the bike and went to bury it.
A few hundred meters away from the house, we dig his grave. I said “goodbye” to him in my thoughts and threw the soil on his stomach. We buried his memories and came back to home. His mother looked at us like she want to say something. For a moment, I forgot that they can’t speak like us or may be we are too unlucky too understand them.
Its been hours, but she is still looking for him. She is feeling lonely. Everytime somebody opens the gate, she wishes that his son will enter. She tries to search him through the nearest window. She is tied to a wooden pole but still roam around to get a glance of his son. I don’t know what she is thinking. I just know that she is in pain. You can feel it by looking at her eyes.
Sometimes I wonder, Why can’t we just live forever? Why can’t we keep our loved ones with us forever..? I know, someday it will happen to me too but I don’t believe it that it will really happen. I don’t know if he is at a better place or not. If there is any afterlife or a complete darkness. I just wish, wherever he are..He don’t forget the moments we shared. I hope, he know that somebody misses him. I just hope….
Ek chhoti si poem for all those people who are confused about life, whose faith is long gone, Everything looks faded, and hope is no where to found. Yes, I am one of them and this is what I am feeling right now…
Aisa waqt aaya hai Zindagi me,
bharosa sab se dagmagaya hai,
Khudaa sabd jhutha sa lagta hai,
Khud ko aaj tanhaa paaya hai…
Charo taraf andhera hai maano,
Bhatakta ek jugnu aaya hai,
Mamooli si roshni kya raasta dikhayegi usko,
Sikaar aaj khud chal ke aaya hai…
Bichhde hai sab iss bheed me,
Jeene me abhi mazaa kaha aaya hai,
Saalo se lage hai tayaari me, kuch kar dikhane ki,
Par sayad hamara waqt kaha aaya hai…
Soch soch ke thak jayenge ek din,
Wo upar wala kis mod pe laya hai,
Jab tak samajh payenge iss zindagi ko,
uss din koi kahega, “Chalo upar se tumhara bulawa aaya hai…”
This is not a poem, These are not just lines. It may be few words for somebody. But for me Its my feelings…something that I am so attached to…To my village , To my friends, To my Life…its for you all…
Aaj bhi waha kuch nahi badla. Wo raaste waise hi hai, wo galiyan utni hi tanha hai. Log aaj bhi apne kaam me usi tarah masgool hai jaisa mai chhod kar gaya tha.
Chidiyo ka chahchahana wahi hai, bulbul ka gaana wahi hai. Baarish ki bundo ko bhi pehchanta hun, Bas khud ko nahi..
Mitti ki wo mehak yuhi barkaraar hai, wo Kadmo ke nishaan wahi hai. Unse judi yaade Jehan me hai, bas hai nahi, toh mera wajood, Jo ab sabse juda hai..
Mere jaan ke baad bhi Chaand utna hi tez chamakta hai, hawaaye aaj bhi dil me tapish liye firti hai. Jugnu aaj bhi roshni sath kar bhi, raasta bhatak jaate hai…
Chulhe ki raakh, aaj bhi shamaa ke intezaar me hai. Kone me padi charpayi aaj bhi kisi ko aagosh me lene ko tayyar nazar aati hai.
Wo chhoti chhoti galiya, jinpar kabhi taktaki lagaye baithe rehte the, unpar ab Musafir aate toh hai. Par uske aane ki aas nahi..
Kheto ki pagdandi par ab apni railgaadi nahi dauda karti. Wo purani tubewell hamara badan bhigoya nahi karti. Kinaro pe lage ped aaj bhi Jawaa hai. Maano unhe kisi ki nazar lagaa nahi karti…
Chaupaal aaj bhi Bujurgo se bhari rehti hai. Aaj bhi yaha koi baazi jeet raha hota hai. To koi baazi khone ke darr se chilla raha hota hai.
Wo ghutne pe chalne waale bacche daudne lage hai. Cycle walo ko bhi picche chhodne lage hai. Kal tak Kaliyaan thi jo, ab phool ban chuki hai. Muhalle me naye naye ladko ke chakkar lagne lage hai….
Waqt kitni tezi se badal raha hai. Kal tak in raasto par chalta tha main, Aaj mera jism kisi aur raah par chal raha hai…
Sochta tha mere jaane ke baad kya hoga. Par ab mehsoos hota hai ki maano kisi ko meri parwaah hi nahi. Par mera dil samjhta hai. Samjhata hai ki Zindagi kabhi kisi ke liye nahi rukti. Log aate jaate rahenge. Zindagi ke rango me doob ke nahate rahenge. Mera kirdaar khatm hua, ab mujhe aage badhna hai…Bas ye yaado ke silsile satate rahenge….
Kisi din koi aayega, Jo iss Diary pe dhyan dega. Ultega panne aur iss kahani ko payega….Par uske liye ye mehaz kaali syahi se likhe kuch sabd honge. Dekhega, Faadega aur aag me jalaa dega.
Aur iss tarah wo shaksh mujhe raakh me mila dega….
I am not practicing much. I am giving priority to my games and other work. I also bought a book, “Stop thinking and Start living by Richard Carlson.” It is a fantastic read. You should give it a try. I want to prepare myself for any govt. exam. But its not on top of list of things I want to do soon. I have earned 77+ dollars from my blog. But I have recieved only 7 till now. I dont know when Amazon will pay me. The book sales are better than the previous month but still ita not satisfactory. I am thinking to change the book cover and the description. Things are pretty bpring in my life now. But I am finding ways to live passionately. Lets see. Till then check out ny progress.
Hope you will like them:-) Take care and Buhbye…
From many days, I haven’t posted any update. I am not drawing much. Because I was focusing marketing my book. My another blog page rank has decreased drastically. I dont know what happened. Today I tried drawing Elsa from Frozen. She is beautiful and sexy.
I am not coloring any of the drawings. Instead of that i am thinking to create an android game. But I am not able to create a character for it. I still have to learn alot about graphics design. As you can see in screeshots, there are lots of doodling in my drawing notebook. It was done my Moni. He completely filled it with color lines and awkward shapes. But he is a little child and learning. Hope he keep drawing all his life 🙂
From many days, I was busy and was not able to draw much and post my progress. Today i learnt the fundamental of cartooning from tutsplus. It is a great tutorial for a beginners. I decided to learn the female anatomy block by block approach. First i will learn to draw the head and its proportions and then will move to shoulders.
I think this approach will be better. I always download tutorials from deviantart but instead of trying them i let them stay in my phone for forever. I will do something about that too. I also need a self help book to boost my inner sparks. I am really feeling very low from many days. I am not working on my book also.
Today I tried some poses. Mainly all of them were standing poses. I tried to recreate what i learnt yesterday. But failed. For satisfactory results i have to work hard. I get time to drawd at night only. Tomorrow i am thinking to stick with the pose thing. Hope to perform better tomorrow.
Till then Have a good day!!
Yesterday i practiced hairstyles. Today i tried to draw female head. But literally most of them sucks. I think i have to look up some tutorials to help myself out. I downloded some books too. But haven’t reading any. I think i should try that hairstyle exercise once again. Although i am gonna learn female head tutorials in the night and try something new. I still have a long way to go. But I am ready.