” No matter how much status you may have at work or in school, you don’t have more status than that jaw-dropping woman who’s dressed to kill and turning every head as she glides through the club. No one does. Not the rockstar. Not the billionaire.” A line from Rules of the game by Neil Strauss. A line that engraved in my heart.
There is a beautiful girl in our town. The only girl whose skin is so flawless. Whose lips look like red wine. When she walks, every single head turns to get a glance of her. Every woman hates her, because their husbands are staring at her. The type of woman, we used to call, “HD edition” or in pick up artist term, “HB 11”. But in India we don’t have those so called pick up artists. Few kids who have read that book and want to learn to get these girls or Naturals who always get them.
My wife hates me when I tell her that I want to be a pick up artist. I want to get every girl I meet or see. She always get upset because she thinks that she is not a good wife, a man can truly love and can’t think of anybody else. Its not correct. I know because she is a very nice person and I love her. But then I ask myself, “If I really love her then why I want those girls, Why I want to be a pickup artist? Sometimes my mind says, “We are men and we are born with it”. We undress every woman in our imagination to see how beautiful she looks from inside. We have mind sex with female friends, our neighbour’s daughter or even our friend’s sister”. Yes, many men or I should say only few men will really confess that they think about their friend’s sister. Even if they talk about, how wrong it is in reality. But the truth is we don’t have much control on our mind when it comes to sex.
But having sex is not only the reason. There is much bigger reason than this is “Status”. Yes, we want to get every other girl is because it increases a male reputation in the society. I know many will raise their eyebrows and start to collect their theories and argive about it. But for a minute, just for a minute, Remove your judging perspective and think about it. Aren’t the society really think this as a status symbol.
Men worship man who can get girls. They want the same. They want to befriend him, they want to be his student so that they can get the same results.
Even women are no different. They are attracted to the guy who is surround by girls. It seduce them. They want to be with that guy. They want to know why others girls are flattered about him. What’s so special about him.
One day, I asked my wife, “What if god give you a choice of choosing over two guys in a room. The first guy who is simple and innocent and second guy is simple but have lots of girl with him. Whom she wants? The answer was the second guy. She was right. Every one of us will choose him because he has the social proof of having something interesting. A man attracts more women when he is around with other women.
But these thoughts give rise to another question that always haunts me. When we all are guilty of it. We all think about other women then why don’t we accept it. Why we teach our kids that it is a bad thing. Why every one of us want to do this but judge others when someone else do it.
Then I realized, “We teach our kids the things we wanted to do but couldn’t. We want them to be a honest man because we couldn’t”…
Ek chhoti si poem for all those people who are confused about life, whose faith is long gone, Everything looks faded, and hope is no where to found. Yes, I am one of them and this is what I am feeling right now…
Aisa waqt aaya hai Zindagi me,
bharosa sab se dagmagaya hai,
Khudaa sabd jhutha sa lagta hai,
Khud ko aaj tanhaa paaya hai…
Charo taraf andhera hai maano,
Bhatakta ek jugnu aaya hai,
Mamooli si roshni kya raasta dikhayegi usko,
Sikaar aaj khud chal ke aaya hai…
Bichhde hai sab iss bheed me,
Jeene me abhi mazaa kaha aaya hai,
Saalo se lage hai tayaari me, kuch kar dikhane ki,
Par sayad hamara waqt kaha aaya hai…
Soch soch ke thak jayenge ek din,
Wo upar wala kis mod pe laya hai,
Jab tak samajh payenge iss zindagi ko,
uss din koi kahega, “Chalo upar se tumhara bulawa aaya hai…”
This is not a poem, These are not just lines. It may be few words for somebody. But for me Its my feelings…something that I am so attached to…To my village , To my friends, To my Life…its for you all…
Aaj bhi waha kuch nahi badla. Wo raaste waise hi hai, wo galiyan utni hi tanha hai. Log aaj bhi apne kaam me usi tarah masgool hai jaisa mai chhod kar gaya tha.
Chidiyo ka chahchahana wahi hai, bulbul ka gaana wahi hai. Baarish ki bundo ko bhi pehchanta hun, Bas khud ko nahi..
Mitti ki wo mehak yuhi barkaraar hai, wo Kadmo ke nishaan wahi hai. Unse judi yaade Jehan me hai, bas hai nahi, toh mera wajood, Jo ab sabse juda hai..
Mere jaan ke baad bhi Chaand utna hi tez chamakta hai, hawaaye aaj bhi dil me tapish liye firti hai. Jugnu aaj bhi roshni sath kar bhi, raasta bhatak jaate hai…
Chulhe ki raakh, aaj bhi shamaa ke intezaar me hai. Kone me padi charpayi aaj bhi kisi ko aagosh me lene ko tayyar nazar aati hai.
Wo chhoti chhoti galiya, jinpar kabhi taktaki lagaye baithe rehte the, unpar ab Musafir aate toh hai. Par uske aane ki aas nahi..
Kheto ki pagdandi par ab apni railgaadi nahi dauda karti. Wo purani tubewell hamara badan bhigoya nahi karti. Kinaro pe lage ped aaj bhi Jawaa hai. Maano unhe kisi ki nazar lagaa nahi karti…
Chaupaal aaj bhi Bujurgo se bhari rehti hai. Aaj bhi yaha koi baazi jeet raha hota hai. To koi baazi khone ke darr se chilla raha hota hai.
Wo ghutne pe chalne waale bacche daudne lage hai. Cycle walo ko bhi picche chhodne lage hai. Kal tak Kaliyaan thi jo, ab phool ban chuki hai. Muhalle me naye naye ladko ke chakkar lagne lage hai….
Waqt kitni tezi se badal raha hai. Kal tak in raasto par chalta tha main, Aaj mera jism kisi aur raah par chal raha hai…
Sochta tha mere jaane ke baad kya hoga. Par ab mehsoos hota hai ki maano kisi ko meri parwaah hi nahi. Par mera dil samjhta hai. Samjhata hai ki Zindagi kabhi kisi ke liye nahi rukti. Log aate jaate rahenge. Zindagi ke rango me doob ke nahate rahenge. Mera kirdaar khatm hua, ab mujhe aage badhna hai…Bas ye yaado ke silsile satate rahenge….
Kisi din koi aayega, Jo iss Diary pe dhyan dega. Ultega panne aur iss kahani ko payega….Par uske liye ye mehaz kaali syahi se likhe kuch sabd honge. Dekhega, Faadega aur aag me jalaa dega.
Aur iss tarah wo shaksh mujhe raakh me mila dega….
I am not practicing much. I am giving priority to my games and other work. I also bought a book, “Stop thinking and Start living by Richard Carlson.” It is a fantastic read. You should give it a try. I want to prepare myself for any govt. exam. But its not on top of list of things I want to do soon. I have earned 77+ dollars from my blog. But I have recieved only 7 till now. I dont know when Amazon will pay me. The book sales are better than the previous month but still ita not satisfactory. I am thinking to change the book cover and the description. Things are pretty bpring in my life now. But I am finding ways to live passionately. Lets see. Till then check out ny progress.
Hope you will like them:-) Take care and Buhbye…
I know this question does not relate to anyone. But its about a serious issue we are facing today.
There is an illegal wineshop near our home. Many hooligons come there to drink. They are always a trouble for the colony. They dont care about anyone. They drove their bikes fast, even if the kids are playing the street. They just dont care. Today one of our neighbour stopped one of them and told him to drive slow. But he start arguing with him. Then the wineshop owner(One of the hooligon) came and try to convince all the people there. Telling him not to argue. Everything seem ok. But after a few minutes, that hooligon called his other friends. They came and start yelling, “Now come out. we will see who will stop us”. We all got frieghtned. I opened our door and saw no one was outside in our street except them. They were using abusive words. Few of the people gathered and started enjoying the show. After few minutes they went away.
After half an hour, our neighbour( who stopped those hooligons) was standing near a shop and talking to some people of the colony. Those hooligons came again. I was not there. But my brother told me everthing. They start beating him. Everyone was looking at them but no one was stopping them. My father opened the gate and ran to stop them. But they also caught my father. My younger brother and mother also got into the fight to stop them. But they din’t stop. They hit a Beer bottle on his face. After beating cruely and breaking his nose. They left us and ran away on their bikes. Suddenly the whole colony was there. Everyone was just talking about the incident. Everyone one of them was saying that they should be in jail but no one wants to step out. Bo one wants to be a witness in the court.
My father and other neighbour went to the Police station but the police dont want to take a strict action. Their behaviour is so disgusting I cant tell. They are just there for compromise and bribe. Everything is so frustating.
I wonder what is happening. We all are taught to be a true man and to fight against bad. But no one is doing this. Police knew about that illegal wineshop from years but no actions are being taken. The whole colony know about this but no one want to step out against them. Everybody just talk from their behind. I know we all are scared. But by unity we can do anything.
People just complain. I dont know what will happen? I know these types of incident will happen again. But why are we teaching our kids those lessons about being brave, fight against evil, blah blah blah, when we also dont have the courage to fight back.
Zindagi humesha yuhi karvate badalati rahegi,
Kabhi roti toh kabhi hasti rahegi,
Aaj tanha ho toh niraash naa hona,
Kabhi rahoge akele toh kabhi sath basti rahegi…
Waqt humesha ek sa nahi hoga,
Aaj dukh ki raate hai toh khuskhiyo ka kal bhi hoga,
Dil me chhipe bharose ko kabhi tootne na dena,
Aaj musibato ka sailaab hai toh kal hal bhi hoga….
Kismat aise maud pe le jayegi bhi,
Jo karna nahi chahte the, wo karwayegi bhi,
Umeedo ki patang ko darr kar kabhi chhodna nahi,
Aaj ye Zamee par hai toh kal bulandiya payegi bhi….
Zindagi ki har raah pe ek imitihaan aayega,
Apno se tu khud ko milo door payega,
Jab himmat jawaab dene lage toh khuda ko yaad karna,
Agar wo yaha tak laya hai, toh aage bhi le jayega…..
-Sujit Kumar Yadav
From many days, I was busy and was not able to draw much and post my progress. Today i learnt the fundamental of cartooning from tutsplus. It is a great tutorial for a beginners. I decided to learn the female anatomy block by block approach. First i will learn to draw the head and its proportions and then will move to shoulders.
I think this approach will be better. I always download tutorials from deviantart but instead of trying them i let them stay in my phone for forever. I will do something about that too. I also need a self help book to boost my inner sparks. I am really feeling very low from many days. I am not working on my book also.
I did not get much time to draw from few days. I dint even post my progess from past 6 days. So today i am posting the work i have done so far.
I am not learning from anybook. Because there are so many options available. I just cant focus. I think i have to find a manual. Its better if i work according to a plan.
Yesterday i practiced hairstyles. Today i tried to draw female head. But literally most of them sucks. I think i have to look up some tutorials to help myself out. I downloded some books too. But haven’t reading any. I think i should try that hairstyle exercise once again. Although i am gonna learn female head tutorials in the night and try something new. I still have a long way to go. But I am ready.
Sometimes I think, I will never make it or I am not on the right track. It feels like I will die with regrets, like a common man whose name only few knows. A man who was known as a funny and ambitious guy but died like a loser. A lable will be put on my head “Trash-Talker”. A man who dint become what he wanted to be, because He had some good excuses like,
“My grammer is not good”
“I have responsibility”
“I dont want to hurt my family”
“I will do it later…”
I know these are excuses, Damn Fucking excuses..but sometimes I feel so helpless and weak. I know, ‘Life will not be the same’ but my confidence goes down everytime my parents scolds me. I know this is another excuse. May be I am thinking too much, May be its right for me or May be I am on my way…But I dont want to hide from these emotions(Doubt and fear). May be nobody cares. But I know every successful person was at the place where today i am. May be its an Omen:)