Where had you go? I miss you so…

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After 6 days of constant battle with sickness, today our calf lost his life. He died a painful death at our house. Like always, My mother was the only one to wake me up with bad news. I went to him. He was lying with his moist eyes open and toungue out. My mother told me how he floundered out of pain. I touched him but he did not turn his head to me like he used to do. His mother was still eating. May be she was unaware of this harsh truth. My father, brother and I, put his body on the bike and went to bury it.

A few hundred meters away from the house, we dig his grave. I said “goodbye” to him in my thoughts and threw the soil on his stomach. We buried his memories and came back to home. His mother looked at us like she want to say something. For a moment, I forgot that they can’t speak like us or may be we are too unlucky too understand them.

Its been hours, but she is still looking for him. She is feeling lonely. Everytime somebody opens the gate, she wishes that his son will enter. She tries to search him through the nearest window. She is tied to a wooden pole but still roam around to get a glance of his son. I don’t know what she is thinking. I just know that she is in pain. You can feel it by looking at her eyes.

Sometimes I wonder, Why can’t we just live forever? Why can’t we keep our loved ones with us forever..? I know, someday it will happen to me too but I don’t believe it that it will really happen. I don’t know if he is at a better place or not. If there is any afterlife or a complete darkness. I just wish, wherever he are..He don’t forget the moments we shared. I hope, he know that somebody misses him. I just hope….

-Sujit

Zindagi

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Mai Zindagi bhar ye sochta raha ki wo log pataa nahi kaise hote hai Jo apne gharwalo ko chhod dete hai..Jo bhul jaate hai unke diye pyaar ko, aur alag rehne lag jaate hai…Main toh kabhi nahi karunga aisa..Hum toh humesha saath rahenge, Chahe kuch bhi ho…

Par zindagi apki har ek soch badal deti hain. Jaise jaise aap bade hote hai, Aapke saath aisi ghatnaye ghategi ki aap sochne pe majboor ho jayenge..Tab apko sirf ek hi raasta nazar aayega, “Apne maa baap, apne bhai behan se door ho jana….”

Aap samajh jayenge ki Zindagi ke samandar me shaanti ke liye apko apni puraani kasti chhod, ek nayi kasti dhundhni hogi. Ek naye sire se zindagi jeeni hogi..Apno ko bhulna padega..Jinke bina raha nahi jata unke bina rehna seekhna hoga…Saayad yahi niyam hai, Sayad yahi kismat hain.

“You have to let go, the things you love the most…”

Jo apke maa baap ke sath hua, ek din aapke saath bhi hoga. Sayad tab ap samajh paye uss waqt unki paristhitiya kaisi thi.

Ye Zindagi apko har pal sikha rahi hai..Har lamhe, har haadsha apke ateet se juda hua ek panna hai.. Ap un haadsho pe kya react karte hai wahi apki kismat tay karega…

Why do men want to have every other girl?

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” No matter how much status you may have at work or in school, you don’t have more status than that jaw-dropping woman who’s dressed to kill and turning every head as she glides through the club. No one does. Not the rockstar. Not the billionaire.” A line from Rules of the game by Neil Strauss. A line that engraved in my heart.

There is a beautiful girl in our town. The only girl whose skin is so flawless. Whose lips look like red wine. When she walks, every single head turns to get a glance of her. Every woman hates her, because their husbands are staring at her. The type of woman, we used to call, “HD edition” or in pick up artist term, “HB 11”. But in India we don’t have those so called pick up artists. Few kids who have read that book and want to learn to get these girls or Naturals who always get them.

My wife hates me when I tell her that I want to be a pick up artist. I want to get every girl I meet or see. She always get upset because she thinks that she is not a good wife, a man can truly love and can’t think of anybody else. Its not correct. I know because she is a very nice person and I love her. But then I ask myself, “If I really love her then why I want those girls, Why I want to be a pickup artist? Sometimes my mind says, “We are men and we are born with it”. We undress every woman in our imagination to see how beautiful she looks from inside. We have mind sex with female friends, our neighbour’s daughter or even our friend’s sister”. Yes, many men or I should say only few men will really confess that they think about their friend’s sister. Even if they talk about, how wrong it is in reality. But the truth is we don’t have much control on our mind when it comes to sex.

But having sex is not only the reason. There is much bigger reason than this is “Status”. Yes, we want to get every other girl is because it increases a male reputation in the society. I know many will raise their eyebrows and start to collect their theories and argive about it. But for a minute, just for a minute, Remove your judging perspective and think about it. Aren’t the society really think this as a status symbol.

Men worship man who can get girls. They want the same. They want to befriend him, they want to be his student so that they can get the same results.

Even women are no different. They are attracted to the guy who is surround by girls. It seduce them. They want to be with that guy. They want to know why others girls are flattered about him. What’s so special about him.

One day, I asked my wife, “What if god give you a choice of choosing over two guys in a room. The first guy who is simple and innocent and second guy is simple but have lots of girl with him. Whom she wants? The answer was the second guy. She was right. Every one of us will choose him because he has the social proof of having something interesting. A man attracts more women when he is around with other women.

But these thoughts give rise to another question that always haunts me. When we all are guilty of it. We all think about other women then why don’t we accept it. Why we teach our kids that it is a bad thing. Why every one of us want to do this but judge others when someone else do it.

Then I realized, “We teach our kids the things we wanted to do but couldn’t. We want them to be a honest man because we couldn’t”…

Ae Zindagi koi Bahana toh de usey Bhool jaane ka…

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hindi poems

Ae Zindagi koi bahana toh de, usey bhul jane ka,
Uski yaado ko dil se mita dene ka,
Koi aisa aisa Jis se mujhe Judayi ka dard mehsus na ho,
Kuch aisa Jis se mere khwaab mujhse judaa na ho….

Tu hi bataa Ae hawaa, Maine kya gunaah kiya,
Uss bewafaa ki khaatir, apno ko bhi judaa kiya,
Aaj wo baithi hai Mandap me kisi gair ke sath,
Aur mai kos raha hun khud ko, ki maine pyaar kyu kiya….

Ye aasmaa me bikhre baadal bhi mera majaak udaate hain,
Baarish ki boonde bikher uski yaad dilaate hain,
Uss Suraj ki kirane bhi ab mujhe feeki si lagti hai,
Jo the phool kabhi mehakdaar, aaj unki mehak teekhi si lagti hai…

Har pal sochta hun, ki kya wo bhi ye dard mehsus karti hogi,
Meri yaado ko dil me samete, aahein bharti hogi,
Dil mera roz mujhse kayi gehre sawaal puchta hain,
Kya wo bhi mujhe bhul jaane se darti hogi…

Laakho khwaab mere, meri ankhon ke saamne toot gaye,
Na jaane kitne haseen waade aaj peeche chhut gaye,
Jeene ki ab mujhe koi aas nazar nahi aati,
Jin pe kiya khud se jyada bharosa, wahi mujhe loot gaye….

Ae khudaa ye na sochna ki mai itni aasani se haar jaunga,
Uske diye dard se tang aa tere paas chalaa aaunga,
Mujhe mohabbat se pehle, iss mohabbat ka anjaam maloom tha,
Tu dekhna mai ek din fir se muskurata nazar aaunga…

Tab tak koshish rahegi uss khudgarz ko bhul jane ki,
uske sath bitaye palo ko mitane ki,
Kasoor uska nahi, Kasoor mera tha,
Milni hi thi sazaa, uss bewafaa se dil lagaane ki…..

Sujit Yadav

Aisa waqt aaya hain..

Ek chhoti si poem for all those people who are confused about life, whose faith is long gone, Everything looks faded, and hope is no where to found. Yes, I am one of them and this is what I am feeling right now…

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Aisa waqt aaya hai Zindagi me,
bharosa sab se dagmagaya hai,
Khudaa sabd jhutha sa lagta hai,
Khud ko aaj tanhaa paaya hai…

Charo taraf andhera hai maano,
Bhatakta ek jugnu aaya hai,
Mamooli si roshni kya raasta dikhayegi usko,
Sikaar aaj khud chal ke aaya hai…

Bichhde hai sab iss bheed me,
Jeene me abhi mazaa kaha aaya hai,
Saalo se lage hai tayaari me, kuch kar dikhane ki,
Par sayad hamara waqt kaha aaya hai…

Soch soch ke thak jayenge ek din,
Wo upar wala kis mod pe laya hai,
Jab tak samajh payenge iss zindagi ko,
uss din koi kahega, “Chalo upar se tumhara bulawa aaya hai…”

-Sujit Yadav

Top Car Sprite Tutorial

Game Venture

For creating games you need if not good graphics at least some decent graphics. If you are not an artist by your own you have 3 options:

  • hire/collaborate with a good artist
  • buy existing assets from sites selling them
  • make your own graphics

Looking for different resources, I discovered that sometimes is not so hard to create your own sprites. Here is an old tutorial from an old forum for creating a top view car sprite:

Top Car Sprite - Step By Step How To Create a Top Car Sprite, Step by Step

  1. Start with basic layout… Seats, front and rear.
  2. Add wheels. Make sure all wheels are the same size.
  3. Start covering.
  4. Remove the underline.
  5. Add color and some shading.

Top Car Samples Top Car Samples

Found here, created by Krysis.

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Journey of Life : Sujit Yadav

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This is not a poem, These are not just lines. It may be few words for somebody. But for me Its my feelings…something that I am so attached to…To my village , To my friends, To my Life…its for you all…

Aaj bhi waha kuch nahi badla. Wo raaste waise hi hai, wo galiyan utni hi tanha hai. Log aaj bhi apne kaam me usi tarah masgool hai jaisa mai chhod kar gaya tha.

Chidiyo ka chahchahana wahi hai, bulbul ka gaana wahi hai. Baarish ki bundo ko bhi pehchanta hun, Bas khud ko nahi..

Mitti ki wo mehak yuhi barkaraar hai, wo Kadmo ke nishaan wahi hai. Unse judi yaade Jehan me hai, bas hai nahi, toh mera wajood, Jo ab sabse juda hai..

Mere jaan ke baad bhi Chaand utna hi tez chamakta hai, hawaaye aaj bhi dil me tapish liye firti hai. Jugnu aaj bhi roshni sath kar bhi, raasta bhatak jaate hai…

Chulhe ki raakh, aaj bhi shamaa ke intezaar me hai. Kone me padi charpayi aaj bhi kisi ko aagosh me lene ko tayyar nazar aati hai.

Wo chhoti chhoti galiya, jinpar kabhi taktaki lagaye baithe rehte the, unpar ab Musafir aate toh hai. Par uske aane ki aas nahi..

Kheto ki pagdandi par ab apni railgaadi nahi dauda karti. Wo purani tubewell hamara badan bhigoya nahi karti. Kinaro pe lage ped aaj bhi Jawaa hai. Maano unhe kisi ki nazar lagaa nahi karti…

Chaupaal aaj bhi Bujurgo se bhari rehti hai. Aaj bhi yaha koi baazi jeet raha hota hai. To koi baazi khone ke darr se chilla raha hota hai.

Wo ghutne pe chalne waale bacche daudne lage hai. Cycle walo ko bhi picche chhodne lage hai. Kal tak Kaliyaan thi jo, ab phool ban chuki hai. Muhalle me naye naye ladko ke chakkar lagne lage hai….

Waqt kitni tezi se badal raha hai. Kal tak in raasto par chalta tha main, Aaj mera jism kisi aur raah par chal raha hai…

Sochta tha mere jaane ke baad kya hoga. Par ab mehsoos hota hai ki maano kisi ko meri parwaah hi nahi. Par mera dil samjhta hai. Samjhata hai ki Zindagi kabhi kisi ke liye nahi rukti. Log aate jaate rahenge. Zindagi ke rango me doob ke nahate rahenge. Mera kirdaar khatm hua, ab mujhe aage badhna hai…Bas ye yaado ke silsile satate rahenge….

Kisi din koi aayega, Jo iss Diary pe dhyan dega. Ultega panne aur iss kahani ko payega….Par uske liye ye mehaz kaali syahi se likhe kuch sabd honge. Dekhega, Faadega aur aag me jalaa dega.

Aur iss tarah wo shaksh mujhe raakh me mila dega….

16 May 2014- Flowing with time

I am not practicing much. I am giving priority to my games and other work. I also bought a book, “Stop thinking and Start living by Richard Carlson.” It is a fantastic read. You should give it a try. I want to prepare myself for any govt. exam. But its not on top of list of things I want to do soon. I have earned 77+ dollars from my blog. But I have recieved only 7 till now. I dont know when Amazon will pay me. The book sales are better than the previous month but still ita not satisfactory. I am thinking to change the book cover and the description. Things are pretty bpring in my life now. But I am finding ways to live passionately. Lets see. Till then check out ny progress.

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Hope you will like them:-) Take care and Buhbye…

Is that what we live for?

I know this question does not relate to anyone. But its about a serious issue we are facing today.

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There is an illegal wineshop near our home. Many hooligons come there to drink. They are always a trouble for the colony. They dont care about anyone. They drove their bikes fast, even if the kids are playing the street. They just dont care. Today one of our neighbour stopped one of them and told him to drive slow. But he start arguing with him. Then the wineshop owner(One of the hooligon) came and try to convince all the people there. Telling him not to argue. Everything seem ok. But after a few minutes, that hooligon called his other friends. They came and start yelling, “Now come out. we will see who will stop us”. We all got frieghtned. I opened our door and saw no one was outside in our street except them. They were using abusive words. Few of the people gathered and started enjoying the show. After few minutes they went away.

After half an hour, our neighbour( who stopped those hooligons) was standing near a shop and talking to some people of the colony. Those hooligons came again. I was not there. But my brother told me everthing. They start beating him. Everyone was looking at them but no one was stopping them. My father opened the gate and ran to stop them. But they also caught my father. My younger brother and mother also got into the fight to stop them. But they din’t stop. They hit a Beer bottle on his face. After beating cruely and breaking his nose. They left us and ran away on their bikes. Suddenly the whole colony was there. Everyone was just talking about the incident. Everyone one of them was saying that they should be in jail but no one wants to step out. Bo one wants to be a witness in the court.

My father and other neighbour went to the Police station but the police dont want to take a strict action. Their behaviour is so disgusting I cant tell. They are just there for compromise and bribe. Everything is so frustating.

I wonder what is happening. We all are taught to be a true man and to fight against bad. But no one is doing this. Police knew about that illegal wineshop from years but no actions are being taken. The whole colony know about this but no one want to step out against them. Everybody just talk from their behind. I know we all are scared. But by unity we can do anything.

People just complain. I dont know what will happen? I know these types of incident will happen again. But why are we teaching our kids those lessons about being brave, fight against evil, blah blah blah, when we also dont have the courage to fight back.

A poem about keeping faith in God

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Zindagi humesha yuhi karvate badalati rahegi,
Kabhi roti toh kabhi hasti rahegi,
Aaj tanha ho toh niraash naa hona,
Kabhi rahoge akele toh kabhi sath basti rahegi…

Waqt humesha ek sa nahi hoga,
Aaj dukh ki raate hai toh khuskhiyo ka kal bhi hoga,
Dil me chhipe bharose ko kabhi tootne na dena,
Aaj musibato ka sailaab hai toh kal hal bhi hoga….

Kismat aise maud pe le jayegi bhi,
Jo karna nahi chahte the, wo karwayegi bhi,
Umeedo ki patang ko darr kar kabhi chhodna nahi,
Aaj ye Zamee par hai toh kal bulandiya payegi bhi….

Zindagi ki har raah pe ek imitihaan aayega,
Apno se tu khud ko milo door payega,
Jab himmat jawaab dene lage toh khuda ko yaad karna,
Agar wo yaha tak laya hai, toh aage bhi le jayega…..

-Sujit Kumar Yadav

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